WASHINGTON (AD) Staring down a January deadline, President Obama has found a possible solution to holding time trials for Guantanamo Bay detainees: a third option, the Vancouver Olympics.

“Time is of the essence,” said the President, referring in one breath to his campaign promise to close the prison on the military base in Cuba, and the need for fairness of the outcome.
“Many hours of tense but amicable secret meetings have led to this possibility,” he added.

Kahlid Mohamed, sometimes referred to by his initials KSM, shared a good laugh with the President on hearing of the possible outcome. “My middle name isn’t Shred for nothing. I rule in men’s downhill.”

Sir Isaac Newton’s patented Force of Gravity and the terrorist’s girth nodded in tacit agreement at this jab.

“It will all be uphill for people like him,” Obaba replied with a fatherly scowl, “but there may be a hidden advantage to doing it this way. If the temperatures in Vancouver drop low enough, it may add momentum to our spending freeze.”

The image of dozens of Guantanamo Bay detainees slipping and sliding down the slopes had federal prosecutors nodding sagely, but civil rights groups were up in arms.

“The idea of having men who have never seen snow their entire lives compete for their freedom in alpine ski events is ludicrous,” the Chairman of the ASPCA shot back.

But there were tempering views as well. Snowboard champion Shaun Beige pointed out that he often practiced on sand dunes in Californa summers. “It is completely fair. The detainees are only competing against the clock.”

“Or the calendar,” one potentially snide but reliable source supplied on condition of anonymity. “After all, these guys know they aren’t in Kansas anymore.”

Unrelated story.